Letters to Home
by JustOneMoreMiracle
Summary: Merlin's been acting weirdly recently so Arthur decides to investigate.
1. Chapter 1

**Name: Letters to Home**

**Set after 02x13**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, but it would be a rather nice Christmas present ;)**

Merlin was late for work again. It was the fourth time this week and Arthur was starting to get slightly concerned because, despite what he claimed daily about not caring about Merlin, secretly he did and he had noticed that ever since the dragon's attack on Camelot he'd seemed slightly- odd. Merlin was odd on the best of days, but this was a different kind- Arthur couldn't quite put his finger on why, but it was like there was something missing; his usual happy-go-lucky, sarcastic humour was gone, and in its place was just emptiness.

After the fourth day of him being like this, Arthur decided it was his duty, as a friend, to find out what was troubling him, so he headed off to see if Gaius knew what was wrong. When he arrived at the physician's room the door was closed so he knocked.

"Gaius," he whispered, peeking round the door, "Gaius." He repeated, louder this time. When no one answered he went in; maybe he just couldn't hear him- he was, after all, getting on a bit. When he went in he realised that Gaius certainly wasn't in, but he appeared to have left a note for Merlin, it read:

_Merlin_

_I've been asked to go on an emergency call to a small village; I won't be gone for more than a few days._

_Gaius._

Well that left Arthur in a bad situation. If he wanted to know what was wrong with Merlin, he'd have to ask the man himself, and with the mood he was in he wasn't likely to get an answer. All the same, Arthur thought to himself, he might as well try. He went up the door he knew lead to Merlin's room and knocked, but as he made contact with the door it drifted open, so he went in. The room was an absolute mess there were clothes and books on the floor and paper all over the table.

It was clear there was no one here so Arthur turned to leave, but as he did a word on one of the pieces of paper caught his eye- _Father_. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help it as his curiosity got the better of him and he took a better look at the paper. He knew that Merlin had never known his father, much like Arthur and his mother, so he wondered what he could possibly be writing about.

One glimpse of the paper told him he shouldn't be reading it. It was a letter Merlin had written to his mother, but Arthur had already started reading and he'd read enough that he had to continue.

_Mother,_

_I'm sorry I don't write often, but I don't have the time, looking after Arthur is a time consuming job. You probably heard about the dragon attacking Camelot a few days ago but that's not why I'm writing- not really. You know the only way a dragon can be stopped. I met father. I wish I'd known him for more time but I couldn't save him. I'm sorry you had to find all this out like this but there's no other way you could find out and I know you'll want to know. I understand so many things now; why he left, why I am like I am- and I'm sure one day I'll be glad I met him, but now I can't bring myself to be happy about that; its my fault he died. I'm sorry._

_Love always Merlin._

Arthur took a moment to let this sink in. Merlin had met his father? When? Why had he never mentioned it to him? And he couldn't understand why Merlin would think it was his fault.

Before he'd had a chance to figure it out, he heard the door open and Merlin's voice calling for Gaius. He threw the letter onto the desk and walked towards the door but Merlin got there before he did.

"Arthur," he looked confused, "why were you in my room?"

"I was looking for you." He said cautiously, adding, "You were late again."

Merlin walked around his room, his eyes gliding around, checking if anything had been moved, "did you touch anything?"

Arthur was confused. That wasn't the response he was expecting, "No," he lied, "I'd only been here for a moment before you got here."

He visibly relaxed at this. "Good," he moved towards his desk and quickly folded up the letter to Hunith and put it in a roughly made envelope he'd brought back in with him. Arthur decided to feign cluelessness in the hope Merlin would explain to him.

He gestured to the letter, "Who's that for?"

Merlin obviously tensed up and cast his eyes down. "Mother." He replied shortly.

"Oh…" Arthur struggled to think of anything else he could get him to talk about. "Mention me much?" he teased.

Merlin sighed, "Look Arthur, I appreciate what you're trying to do but just, give me time okay?"

"What's wrong Merlin? You can talk to me you know."

"I'm fine really I just need time." With that, he stood up, taking the letter with him and left Arthur feeling confused and rejected.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a week since Arthur had stumbled across Merlin's letter and he was no closer to understanding it than he had been when he first saw it. He hadn't even tried to confront Merlin about it again, he knew he wouldn't talk, but Arthur was starting to get seriously worried about him now.

He hadn't gotten any more like his old self; if anything he'd got worse, he almost never spoke now and he hadn't messed up a job in over a week so Arthur decided to take matters into his own hands. If Merlin wouldn't tell him what was wrong he'd have to find out some other way, after all, _someone_ was bound to know something.

He decided to start with Gwen since he knew he could trust her to tell him anything she knew, because she cared about Merlin as much as he did.

"Gwen?" He peered round the doorway to see her sitting at his desk reading. She looked up and smiled as way of greeting.

"Arthur," she frowned as she noticed the stressed look on his face, putting down what she was reading. "What's wrong, is something troubling you?"

"It's Merlin," he admitted. "I know everyone's noticed by now that there's something wrong but he just won't tell me what and its starting to worry me."

Gwen looked thoughtful for a moment before answering.

"I don't know anything, I'm sorry Arthur. To tell the truth I did try asking him only a couple of days ago but I got the same response."

He nodded as she continued.

"Something really bad must have happened to him though because until now I've hardly ever seen anything upset him. In fact I think the only time was when his friend from Ealdor, Will died."

Arthur looked up sharply. "Do you think someone died then? But why would he try to hide that from us because clearly it was someone important. He doesn't know anyone outside of Camelot though, except from his mother but it couldn't be her..."

They were both silent for a while, deep in thought before Gwen said, "have you tried asking Gaius? He's like a father to him and if there's anyone that knows, it'll be him. And I know he's getting worried too."

Arthur sighed "I suppose I'll have to." He stood up. "Thanks Gwen." He kissed her on the cheek and left to find Gaius.

**Authors Note- I apologise that it took me a month to update but with Christmas and whatnot I didn't have time so sorry it won't happen again. Also I know not much happened this chapter the next one will be more interesting, promise :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm sorry for how late this is but I won't flood you with excuses, have another chapter instead.**

As Arthur walked through the castle his thoughts were deep into what Gwen had suggested. What if someone had died? Originally he'd assumed it was something he'd done or said to offend him, but by now he knew it couldn't be. He'd insulted Merlin enough times in the past and he'd never reacted this badly so it had to be something important. But who could he have known that died? If it was someone in Camelot Arthur would have known too and he was sure Merlin wasn't close to any of his family other than Hunith since he'd never even mentioned them.

But thinking about Merlin's family he was reminded of the letter he read. Merlin had mentioned his father, what if something had happened to him? He knew Merlin had never known his father but just as Arthur had never known his mother, he knew that it would still hurt, even if he'd never met him. It was a possibility, he thought, but a very unlikely one so he soon put the thought out of his head.

Arthur was so deep in thought he didn't notice Gaius until he had already walked into him.

"Gaius! I'm sorry I didn't see you." He apologised, helping the older man up, his mind still on Merlin.

"It's okay Arthur but watch where you're going, you can't be daydreaming round the castle like that, and you are the Crown Prince after all."

"Sorry Gaius I've got other things on my mind I guess."

He looked up, a suddenly sad expression on his face. "Merlin?" he guessed.

Arthur nodded, "Gaius, you of all people-"

"I won't tell you Arthur," he interrupted. "It's Merlin's secret, it's his to tell; even if you are royalty."

"Fine, but I only want to help; you know that- you care for him more than anyone."

"I know that Arthur, and I'm sure Merlin will tell you when he feels ready. Now if you'll excuse me, some of us have jobs to attend to."

"Of course, thank you Gaius." Arthur bade him farewell as he walked off down the corridor but as he walked something dropped from the middle of his pile of things.

Arthur walked swiftly over and picked it up. He recognised the neat but rushed writing of Hunith.

_My dearest friend,_

_I know you're doing all you can for Merlin and I cannot thank you enough for all you've done for us. Is he getting any better? You're like a father to him and I know the bond between you two and I know you must feel sorrow too, I know Balinor was your friend but the bond between a father and a son is strong, even if they didn't know each other for more than a few hours. If need be send him back home, only for a while, being away from Camelot might help him, if he can get away from the memory for a while maybe he can move on. I understand…_

The page ended there but the letter continued on another page which presumably Gaius still had. Quickly Arthur placed the page on the shelf nearest and hurried away. Hopefully Gaius would realise what he was missing soon enough and re-trace his steps.

But what did Balinor have to do with anything? If Arthur remembered rightly he was the dragonlord they'd found but he'd never known he was Gaius' friend so that must have been how he knew they could find him because Gaius would never let a friend die. And then there was still the mystery of Merlin's father. Hunith said he'd only known him for a few hours, he assumed that must have meant when he was a baby, before his father left. If he died recently Merlin would be upset he hadn't had more time with him.

Arthur smiled to himself. That must be it. He hadn't even needed to ask Merlin after all, although something still needed to be done. This couldn't continue, he needed to sort Merlin out and he would do it soon.


	4. Chapter 4

That night when Merlin came to Arthur's chambers as usual, he was ready for him and when he heard him knock he put his plan into action.

"Merlin! Have a seat." He greeted him with a smile as he pulled up a chair.

Merlin looked at him suspiciously and remained standing. In a blank voice he said "But sire I'm here with your supper, you should be the one taking a seat."

Arthur took the tray from him and placed it out of the way on the table.

"No, you should. Now _sit_."

"But-"

"SIT Merlin." He pointed to the chair commandingly. Reluctantly Merlin sat down.

"Now," said Arthur, leaning on the table in front of him, looking sternly down his nose at Merlin. "Tell me what it is that's bothering you, because I have my own ideas and if you don't tell me then I will only assume I'm right. So what's wrong?"

Merlin only shrugged "Nothing's wrong Arthur, it doesn't matter. _Really_."

"Yes Merlin it does." He said gently, "is it about your father?"

Merlin's head snapped up "you read my letter didn't you? That day when I found you in my room?" he was standing up now, no longer calm and blank, but angry and upset.

"No, Merlin listen-"

"No you listen Arthur; you don't know what it's like! To not be able to show or to be who you are or what you feel, not to be able to mourn for someone because of who they were no matter how good they were, how unfair their death was. You know nothing about my father!"

"Believe me Merlin I understand, I never knew my mother remember?

She died during my birth I know what it's like to wish you knew someone who you never really met."

Merlin stopped for a moment, confused. "Never really met? What are you talking about?"

Now Arthur was puzzled, "Well, I assumed you only saw him when you were born, and then he left."

Merlin shook his head, frustrated. "You really don't know anything do you? My father never even knew I existed until a few weeks ago because he was taken from my mother so long ago, before they knew about me."

"Why was he taken from you? Who would take a man from the family he loves?"

"He wasn't just a man though Arthur; he had magic. Do you still feel the same way now? He was driven from his home, from the woman he loved by your father and his laws on magic for how he was born. So many families were torn apart in the same way!"

Arthur frowned, "your father was a sorcerer?"

Merlin gave a humourless laugh, "yes I suppose you'd say so. See? You aren't quite so sympathetic now are you?"

"No, it's just a lot to take in that's all. And what do you mean, "I suppose you'd say so."?" Arthur asked mimicking Merlin's tone.

He only smirked, but there was no comedy; only mocking. "You're really quite ignorant sometimes Arthur, you know that? I said he had magic, having magic and just being a sorcerer are not the same thing."

Arthur stared blankly back, clearly not understanding.

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Not everyone with magic is simply a sorcerer.

There are druids, priests, high-priests, warlocks, witches…"

"Dragonlords?" Arthur suggested.

Merlin took a deep breath, "yes and Dragonlords."

"Like Balinor." Arthur continued

"Yes," Merlin replied, his voice becoming more strained, "like Balinor."

"Wasn't he Gaius' friend?"

"_YES-_ He was."

"So that must have been how he escaped all those years ago. Gaius must have been upset when we came back then, to hear that his old friend was dead."

"Yes he was," Merlin answered in an unusually bitter tone, "but I suppose he wasn't worth his tears?"

Arthur sighed. "Merlin you didn't even know the man for more than a few hours, if you did I wouldn't have said it but…"

Slowly, the pieces started to come together and Arthur realised. Merlin had only known his father for a few hours and he'd died recently. It all made sense. Where would Gaius send a friend who needed help? To someone who he knew he could trust to stand up for what was right, but someone who lived far enough away from Camelot. He would have sent him to Hunith, but within weeks at the most the knights would have followed him, forced him to leave to protect her…

Arthur turned round to his manservant- and friend- and looked him in the eyes as a single, silent tear fell down his pale face.

All Arthur could bring himself to say was, "I'm sorry Merlin."


	5. Chapter 5

Merlin had left not long after Arthur had figured out the truth, on some flimsy pretext of Gaius wondering where he'd got to, but neither man were fooled.

Merlin knew that, if he hadn't already, Arthur would soon put two and two together and realise his other secret too and when he did Merlin couldn't be there to find out what would happen; he just couldn't risk it. The moment he got back from Arthur's chambers he knew he had to leave, he'd be ready at first light, but he'd have to say goodbye to Gaius first. He'd also have to send a note to his mother first, if he just turned up there without giving any warning or reason, she'd probably just turn him right round and send him back again.

Quickly he found a pen and paper and scribbled down a note:

_Mother,_

_Arthur knows about Balinor now and I know he'll very soon guess everything so I can't stay, for his sake as well as my own. I'm coming back home, I'm leaving Camelot in the morning I don't know if I'll be able to ever come back here without losing my head on the spot and then I'll never be able to fulfil my destiny , I don't want you to worry about me though I'll be fine._

_See you soon, Merlin_

The next morning he set out almost straight away, after he'd gotten away from Gaius. He hadn't let him go easily, insisting that he gave him all the medicine and supplies for his journey. Merlin was surprised he didn't try to talk him out of it but apparently he knew that this time his mind couldn't be changed.

He departed swiftly after that, not wanting to encounter anyone else on his way out of the citadel. Once he was in the shade of the forest, Merlin put his plan into action. He wasn't even sure if it would work but he had no other ideas. Merlin threw back his head and roared to the skies,

_ "O drakon, e mala soi ftengometh tesd'hup anankes! Erkheo" _

He stood and waited for a moment until he heard the flapping of the dragon's wings above his head.

"Kilgarrah!" he called up to the giant creature as he flew down to land next to him.

"What is it young warlock, why have you called me?" his ancient voice rang out through the trees.

"I just wanted to tell you I've failed in my destiny. I told Arthur about my father and he was horrified; he'll never accept me so I have to leave. Just thought I'd let you know it was all for nothing." Merlin had to shout in order to be heard.

The old dragon shook his head and laughed. "You may be great warlock but you know nothing of the prince's mind. He is out right now looking for you; he knows you can't have gone far, although he is expecting answers."

Merlin's mind was whirling. Arthur was looking for him? Why? "What does he want answers for"

"It would seem your mother never received your letter after all. Now if you excuse me, I hear footsteps approaching and your prince believes me to be dead so I will take my leave now. But remember Merlin; lies cannot be solved with more lies."

With that the great dragon flew away and in the same moment the stumbling shape of Prince Arthur burst through the bushes behind him.

"Merlin! I was beginning to think you'd got away after all!" Arthur stopped for a moment to get his breath back and Merlin simply stood in silence, remembering what the dragon had said. He had to tell the truth, he knew that but he was also sure that the truth would get him killed.

"Right," Arthur had recovered now and he was getting increasingly more confused and seemed to remember exactly why Merlin was leaving. "This," he held up Merlin's note and waved it in front of him. "Explain?" Was all he managed to say.

Merlin sighed wearily. Well he supposed he should just get it over with.

"Alright Arthur, I promise I will answer everything you ask me honestly, on the condition that you don't do anything until I've finished explaining. Agreed?"

Arthur frowned, confused.

"Alright I agree. But what are you expecting me to do?"

"We'll wait and see." He answered grimly. "Come on then, what do you want to know?"

"First off then, why are you running away?"

"So you don't chop my head off," Merlin replied bluntly.

"Why would I chop your head off?"

"Think about it Arthur, my father was a dragonlord."

Arthur really did think about it for a moment, "does this mean you're a dragonlord too?"

Merlin nodded.

Arthur laughed, "Merlin I wouldn't execute you just for that, surely you know that? You can't help if you were born like that."

This gave Merlin a little more confidence, "What if that's not all?"

"What do you mean? What else is there?"

Merlin closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, he held out his hand and as he did the leaves on the floor around them raised into the air as if they were being blown into a small tornado and then gradually they changed into the shape of a dragon flying through the air before sinking back down again until all was still. There was total silence for what seemed like forever until Arthur, trying to stay calm said,

"You have magic?"

Merlin said nothing in response, only waiting for Arthur to react. Then, in the blink of an eye Arthur's sword was drawn and at his throat.

"You've lied to me all this time. How can I trust you? All this time you've been by my side and yet you choose to practice magic? Why?" Arthur was angry, upset but most of all he felt betrayed.

"I didn't choose to practice magic it's something I was born with. I've never had a choice in it, as far as I can remember my magic has always been instinctive to me, as natural and essential as breathing. You just said you wouldn't execute me for how I was born." Merlin was somehow still completely calm, as if he'd expected this.

"I didn't know that was possible, I've never heard of anyone like that before," his confession had relaxed Arthur a little, although he seemed to be ignoring the point he's made about not killing him. "But why would you come to Camelot then? You know what the King will do to you if he finds out. Are you plotting against Camelot? Why did you come here sorcerer?"

"I came to Camelot because I was too at odds with people here, they were afraid of my abilities and my mother thought it wouldn't be safe there anymore. She sent me to live with Gaius in the hope he could help me understand why I am the way I am and find a use for my gifts. I would never plot against you Arthur, if you really believe that then you are hugely mistaken. And technically I'm a warlock not a sorcerer." Merlin corrected.

"Oh so Gaius knew as well did he? How do I know you aren't plotting against me, can you prove it? Why would you be on my side, I've killed so many of your kind. Magic is evil; it corrupts people I've always been told that I'm finding it hard to believe anything else."

Merlin's voice was solemn as he answered. "Arthur I'm not plotting against you, all these years I've been protecting you, all those magical threats who couldn't be killed, I helped with that and I do it because it's my destiny to protect you and help you grow into the great king you're destined to be. You are the Once and Future King of Camelot and I, Emrys am destined to stand by your side, loyal to you no matter what. That's why I do it Arthur, but most of all I do it because you're my friend and I care about you." His voice was filled with pride.

Arthur was speechless and he lowered his sword. "What? How can I be this Once and Future King what does that even mean?"

Merlin smiled. "You are destined to be the greatest King Camelot has ever known and to unite the land of Albion."

"I can't do all that…"

"Yes you can Arthur, I believe you can, it's your destiny. Now you see why I made you promise not to kill me? I know I've lied to you for so long but I didn't want to have to make you choose between obeying the law and your father, and my safety so please forgive me."

Arthur considered this for a moment before nodding. "Yes, alright I forgive you." He sheathed his sword again. "Actually I've just got one more request to ask of you; tell me about it, all the times you've used your magic. I suppose it was you who made the snakes come out of Valliant's shields? And that's how you stopped Sophia from sacrificing me?"

Merlin nodded, then added just to make sure, "so does this mean you aren't going to hand me over to Uther then?"

Arthur smiled. "Definitely not. From the sounds of things I won't survive more than a few days without your protection. And besides, I'd rather have you than a bootlicker for a servant."

"Great," Merlin picked up his bag off the muddy floor and they began walking back to Camelot, while Merlin began to recount his stories of magic and adventure to Arthur, who continually interrupted with "I knew that wasn't just a coincidence!" or "I knew there was something suspicious going on there."

When Merlin got back, after informing Gaius that everything was going to be fine, Arthur had accepted his magic he decided he should write a letter to Hunith. He was sure she'd be greatly comforted to hear he could finally stop hiding and worrying about being discovered.

_Mother_

_Arthur knows about everything now, Balinor, my magic, our destinies; everything. You don't need to panic I've explained everything and he's accepted me and sworn he won't give me up to Uther so things should be a whole lot easier now I don't need to worry about keeping it quite so secret anymore. I promise I'll try and visit more now, I'm sure Arthur can survive a few days on his own, and besides after hearing how much I do for him he's trying to give a day off once a week, but I know that won't last, he still can't stand George so it's only a matter of time before he changes his mind. Hope you're doing well and you can stop worrying about me so much._

_Love always_

_Merlin_

**I finally finished it :D thanks for reading to the end it'd be nice if you could review and let me know what you thought because constructive criticism is always welcome.**


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